My Mom Reviewed Some Of The Bands Playing Bonnaroo

I tried explaining Bonnaroo to my mom. I really did. She knows all about my excursions to random places in search of “a great festival experience”, and to be honest, I may have inherited my love for live music from her. Yet I just don’t think she gets Bonnaroo – the drive, the camping, and even the culture. Despite being well into my independence as an adult, my mom always wants to know what I’m doing so I sat her down and gave her the “Bonnaroo talk”.

She basically responded by saying I shouldn’t be staying out late just to see Skrillex and she couldn’t wrap her brain around the fact that veterans like Elton John and Lionel Richie would be playing alongside DJs whose music sounds like “a mix robot techno and elephants trumpeting”. Because of her skepticism, I decided to show her the line-up so she could comment on a few highlights. Turns out, everyone really needs to make an effort to see Danny Brown.

SKRILLEX (FRI. JUNE 13TH – 1:30AM @ WHICH STAGE)
Mom: Who’s going to be up on Friday at 1:30 a.m.?? Won’t people have drank a lot and need to go to sleep by then? I don’t want you to stay up that late. But if you were really high this would be… a problem. Is this him singing? When does he actually sing? And this goes on for two hours? It’s like techno.

DIE ANTWOORD (FRI. JUNE 13TH – 1:45AM @ THE OTHER TENT)
Mom: I don’t like her hair. She looks like a boy. Or like Kate Bush. I don’t know if I’d go to this or Skrillex. Bed sounds like a good time. I wonder what the crowd will be like… you might get killed. Listen to these guys, people could be rapping and killing. I thought I heard you say Elton John was going to be there? There’s Elton John and then there’s this? I can’t see how anyone who likes this stuff would also like people like Elton John.

SPEEDY ORTIZ (FRI. JUNE 13TH – 10:40PM @ NEW MUSIC ON TAP LOUNGE )
Mom: I guess this okay. It’s not bad. Are Mighty Mongo going to be there? I don’t know why people don’t like them. They’re great. Are The Used or any of those bands going to be there? How about Reel Big Fish?

KANYE WEST (FRI. JUNE 13TH – 10:00PM @ WHAT STAGE)
Mom: Kanye West is going to be there too? I don’t like him! I don’t like all this talking. Does he ever sing? He’s very full of himself. The only Kanye song I like is the one that has the video with him and his fiancée on the motorcycle.

JAKE BUGG (FRI. JUNE 13TH – 4:00PM @ THIS TENT)
Mom: Was he on “American Idol”? Is he the new Justin Bieber? He looks a bit like him. He looks 15-years-old.

ZEDD (SAT. JUNE 14TH – 9:15PM @ WHICH STAGE)
Mom: Zedd is a girl? Wasn’t this on an episode of “Glee”?

LAURYN HILL (SAT. JUNE 14TH – 8:45PM @ THAT TENT)
Mom: Lauryn Hill! She would be good, go see her! Lauryn Hill went to jail but it was for taxes so that doesn’t count. Like who goes to jail for taxes? Especially if you’re super famous.

DANNY BROWN (FRI. JUNE 13TH – 4:00PM @ THE OTHER TENT)
Mom: Friday at 4 p.m. is a more appropriate time for this. Why doesn’t he fix his teeth though? I guess this would be better to dance to. He got in trouble with that one fan, right? Was it filmed? Madonna got charged for whatever she did, groping with herself on stage. Maybe you should go see Danny Brown. It would probably be fun.